Domestic abuse is when people aged 16 years or older are personally connected to each other and their behaviour is abusive.
If you have concerns that a relationship leaves you, or someone you know, feeling scared, intimidated or controlled, it's possible that you're in an abusive relationship.
Types of domestic abuse
There are different forms of domestic abuse:
- Physical abuse - pushing, hitting, punching, kicking, choking and using weapons.
- Sexual abuse - forcing or pressuring someone to have sex (rape), unwanted sexual activity, touching, groping someone or making them watch pornography.
- Emotional abuse - repeatedly making someone feel bad or scared, stalking, blackmailing, constantly checking up on someone, playing mind games.
- Financial abuse - taking money, controlling finances, not letting someone work.
- Psychological abuse - embarrassing someone in public, threatening to harm someone or people they care about.
- Controlling and coercive behaviour - this includes "honour-based" violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage.
A legal definition of domestic abuse is provided in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021
Warning signs of domestic abuse
Feeling uncomfortable or being afraid in your relationship is the number one warning sign that your relationship is not healthy.
Ask yourself the following questions. If you answer 'yes' to one or more of them, you may be experiencing domestic abuse.
Does your abuser:
- Use physical or sexual violence without warning?
- Tease you in a hurtful way and play it off as a 'joke' or tell you you're being too sensitive?
- Call you names such as 'stupid' and 'useless'?
- Act jealous of your friends, family, or co-workers or coerce you into avoiding or not spending time with them?
- Get angry about or make you change the clothes and shoes you wear, how you style your hair, or whether or not you wear makeup and how much?
- Check up on you by repeatedly calling, driving by or getting someone else to?
- Go places with you or send someone just to 'keep an eye on you'?
- Insist on knowing who you talk with on the phone, check your call log or phone bill?
- Blame you for their problems or their bad mood?
- Get angry so easily that you feel like you're walking on eggshells?
- Do things that scare you?
- Stop you from seeing your friends or family?
- Accuse you of being interested in someone else or cheating on them?
- Read your email or check your computer history?
- Go through your purse or other personal papers?
- Keep money from you or keep you in debt?
- Keep you from getting a job, doing a course or learning to drive?
- Threaten to hurt you, your children, family, friends or pets?
- Force you to have sex when you don't want to?
- Force you to have sex in ways that you don't want to?
- Threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave?
- Act like "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde," acting one way in front of other people and another way when you're alone?
Honour-based abuse
Honour-based abuse is a collection of actions that are used to control behaviour and exert power within families to protect perceived cultural and religious beliefs and honour.
Such abuse can occur when an abuser perceives that someone has shamed the family or community by breaking their honour code. The individual is being punished for actually, or allegedly, undermining what the family or community believes to be the correct code of behaviour.
So-called 'honour-based abuse' is a fundamental abuse of human rights. If a child or young person under the age of 18 is at risk of honour-based abuse, it's a safeguarding issue and they could be at risk of significant harm.
Types of honour-based abuse include:
- Forced marriage
- Female genital mutilation
- Honour killing
- Gender select abortion - often aborting a female foetus
- Dowry abuse – pressuring mainly brides to get gifts, high-value items, land or property from their own family to give to the groom or the groom's family - it can take place before, during and any time after the marriage
- Domestic abuse - physical, sexual, emotional or financial abuse
- Sexual harassment and sexual violence - rape and sexual assault or threat of rape and sexual assault
- Threats to kill
- Social exclusion or rejection and emotional pressure
- House arrest - not being allowed to leave the house alone
- Excessive restrictions of freedom - for example, not able to choose their own clothes, diet or leisure and social activities
- Denial of further education or employment
- Limited or no access to the telephone, internet or passport and other key documents
- Isolation from friends and own family
People at risk of honour-based abuse:
Women and girls are most at risk of becoming victims of honour-based violence and abuse.
You're also at greater risk if you're:
- A member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and others (LGBTQ+) community
- Considered too 'western' by your family or community members
- Having an interfaith relationship
- Seeking a divorce or separation against your family’s approval
- Pregnant outside of marriage or have given birth outside of marriage
- Marrying a person of your own choice without your family's approval
- Accessing higher education without your family's approval
Get help with domestic violence and abuse