January 2020 - Start our journey
Hi there, let us introduce ourselves. We are Anthony and Declan.
As we write this first story we are proud to say we are foster carers for 2 children, siblings. A boy and a girl. We also have 2 rabbits named Pepsi and Shirley and a new puppy called Bouncer; a beautiful chocolate brown cockapoo. To say we have a house full is an understatement, but we would not have it any other way.
It has not always been this way. Just over 5 months ago, we were approved as foster carers. Before we decided to apply to be foster carers life was so different for us. Let us take you back to the very beginning...
Declan
Growing up I would describe my childhood as “normal”. I grew up with both parents who were supportive and encouraging but also had a strict side to them. I was a middle of the road kind of teenager - not really cool enough to be a cool kid, but I had a good group of friends. I had 2 older sisters who I am close to and who have always supported me no matter what. My sisters both have 2 children each and as I was the youngest sibling, I spent a lot of my teenage years babysitting for my nieces and nephews. I loved children and always thought one day I would have my own.
Growing up I would describe my childhood as “normal”. I grew up with both parents who were supportive and encouraging but also had a strict side to them. I was a middle of the road kind of teenager - not really cool enough to be a cool kid, but I had a good group of friends. I had 2 older sisters who I am close to and who have always supported me no matter what. My sisters both have 2 children each and as I was the youngest sibling, I spent a lot of my teenage years babysitting for my nieces and nephews. I loved children and always thought one day I would have my own.
I came out at the age of 23, everyone who was important in my life did not bat an eyelid, although I had quite a bit of stick and bullying at work when I came out.
I have always had a steady work-life. I stayed in the same job for 15 years, until I moved to Lanzarote for 3 years. I loved being in the sun and had great friends but after a while, I got homesick, missed my friends and family, and decided to move back to the UK.
That is when my journey began…
Anthony
When I was a teenager, I knew I was different to other kids and I always felt like I never fitted in anywhere. It was a scary and difficult time for me. I was wrestling with my sexuality and feeling that I would be cast aside if I told anyone. It was the 90s and I was growing up on a rough council estate and was part of a one-parent family.
I managed to finish school and at 18 I came out to my mum and to the group of friends I had at the time. My mum was initially shocked and upset and I remember one of the things she said to me at the time was that I would never have children. It was not something I had really thought about at the time but, on reflection, was kids something I really wanted anyway? Maybe one day, I mused, and I put it to the back of my mind.
At 18 I discovered alcohol and very quickly I became addicted. I spent the next 15 years in a pit of despair and alcoholism. I could not sustain a job, a home or a relationship and it was a lonely, frightening and miserable existence. Inside I was slowly dying.
When I was 33, I entered rehab and turned my life around. I managed to sustain sobriety and go back to work. My life was quite different, and even though I was happier than I had ever been I began to feel like something was missing. I had a good job, a nice home and great friends but I kept thinking about a partner and kids.
I saw all my friends who had kids and how much they had got out of it and felt quite sad that I did not have kids of my own. All my friends told me how great I was with kids and how great a parent I would be. Some of my friends were foster carers and one of my friends encouraged me to consider fostering. I investigated it and realised it would be hard to be a single foster carer. I did not really pursue it further and carried on with my life, but I knew I had this insistent yearning to have kids in my life. Then one day it all changed…
New beginnings
In March 2019, I was online and browsing and a message popped up on my screen. It said, “remember me from Lower Darwen?” Looking at the picture I thought to myself “oh yeah, I remember him!!” I had not seen him online for ages. The only trouble was I could not remember his name.
We began chatting and I admitted to having forgotten his name. He reminded me it was Declan and then proceeded to tell me all the things he remembered about me. I kept thinking “my days, this guy has the memory of an elephant!!”
You see we had first met 3 years previously but had lost touch. When he told me he had been living in Lanzarote for the last 3 years it made sense why I had not seen him about.
We arranged to meet and have a catch-up. When we met up it was like we just instantly clicked. I felt so comfortable with him and oh my days this guy was so cute!!
We began to date and a few months in I was going away with my friend. I knew I had fallen in love with this guy but how do I tell him? I decided to give him a love heart sweet with the words written on it. When I dropped him off, I gave him the sweet and waited for his reaction. Thankfully, he told me he felt the same. Phew!!
After this, our relationship progressed quickly and we decided to move in together. We began to discuss our hopes and dreams for the future and one of the things we both said was that we would love to have kids.
New Year 2020 began and I was becoming disillusioned with my job and really wanted to make some changes. Declan and I started to discuss the possibility of fostering and after encouragement from my friend who was a foster carer, I made the first initial contact and expressed an interest in knowing more about fostering. We also moved into our first home together, a 3-bedroom house, perfect as it had 2 spare bedrooms. After sending my first email to express interest I quickly received a reply, and an appointment was arranged for a social worker to come out and visit us and have a chat about fostering. Exciting times!!
"I thought you had big hair"
In the run-up to our first meeting, we were both excited to get the ball rolling but also nervous and apprehensive about the start of the process. We busied ourselves getting the house as ready as we could. It currently resembled a building site! Our heads were buzzing. It was about to become a reality.
The knock on the door came and a lady stood there in her big coat with the hood up which, as I recall, was very furry!! It was still the middle of winter and freezing. She introduced herself and we invited her in and as she stood in the hallway and pulled her hood down, I said the first thing that came into my head; “Oh, I thought you had big hair!!” Not that there was anything wrong with her hair, but you know nerves kind of took over. I tend to ramble and say random things when I am nervous. Thankfully, she just laughed, and this put us at ease.
We had an initial chat and it seemed to go well. At the end of the chat, she got up to leave and said to us “I think you will make great foster carers, let’s get the process started.”
Phew, the first meeting was over!! Let us get started and fingers crossed let us get fostering.
Who knew though that around the corner the biggest pandemic in our lifetimes was about to hit the world in a big way…